I'm Barbara and I'm a Messy Person

[HiddenBarb]

TEXT
I'll be glad to start this thread. I'm 54 and have yet to keep a system for housekeeping working. My family is amazed that everywhere I sit I build a little nest of clutter around me. I'm intelligent and know all the right ways of organizing and keeping house, but keeping those systems working.....well. I have what one organizing guru calls CHAOS - can't have anyone over syndrome. How 'bout you?

[Jackie]

Oh my goodness and here I was thinking it was just me. Does your husband also berate you every day about the "state of the place".

At work I'm totally organised but home is a nightmare!

I'm always full of good intentions and like to think that if I didn't have to go out to work my home would be as organised as my office is right now - or am I just living in a dream world!

How does one get organised?

[HiddenBarb]

Berated, no, but my husband does point it out that he now chooses to overlook the messes. He says this in defense of any complaints I have about him. It goes something like this: I complain about him paying for a grown child's car repair and he says "well, I haven't complained about that stack of magazines". Do you see any connection?

I've been working hard for the past 6 months organizing and tossing things out. Even things I enjoy having. I am definitely an "out of sight - out of mind" person. If I put things away, I forget I have them.

Anyway, instead of bravos about the amount of stuff I've gotten rid of and the things I have organized - my messes are pointed out to me.

Barbara

[Jackie]

Don't you just love them - husbands I mean!!!?

[Sheridan]

Hi, Barb -- I think I've found my long-lost twin in you, especially the "can't have anyone over" syndrome. This ADD stuff can be really isolating, something I think many people don't realize.

[CathyClutter]

Hi! Gosh, all this sounds so familiar! My houehold is an ADHD household - my husband and I and both our sons (9 and 7) have ADHD; my younger son also has ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). The normal state of our house is "wreck". We've gotten pretty good at cleaning up but fail miserably at maintaining it! I don't have to worry too much about spousal criticism, since he's in the same boat, just my mom, who says all the usual things (lazy, doesn't know how I got this way, etc.). How many of you hear someone tell you that ADD is just an excuse?

[Kim]

Well here is what I found out about me.........The clutter, mess, unorganized, too much stuff......I know all about it.....I have just been diagnosed ADD 60 days ago, after my first day on medication I was so relieved that all of those tapes in my head weren't playing at the same time that I was able to finally finish a task without starting a new one.
Now if it is garbage it goes in the garbage then, I pick up and put up at the moment of use, as well as I clean the tub, while in the shower, and then I shower. I try to look and see what I can do while at my task that can be done with my task.....
I only take the Sunday paper, I read it, as I am done I put the paper in a brown paper bag next to my chair, and then recycle day it goes out. I hope this helps.

[BRATgoddess79]

I thought I was the only one with little nests....I've got piles and piles of stuff all around the chair I usually sit in. I brought in some nice colorful baskets to put the little odds and ends I keep collecting on the table beside me and the window ledge....well now all of the baskets are overflowing and there are new piles of junk on the table and ledge (pens, batteries, mirrors, bills, newspaper clippings, children's rubber bands, etc.)

Every time I sit down and finally clean up the mess...a week later it's just as bad, if not worse. I bought some of those plastic drawer things to organize clutter...filled them up and started making clutter again....only this time it was clutter around an organized mini chest of more clutter instead of just clutter.

And I, too, have a wonderful husband who's always berating me for the messes...and for everything else that goes along with ADHD. Some men/people just aren't very understanding.

[CathyClutter]

Barb, you should point out to your husband how he's making you feel: show him how much you HAVE accomplished, tell him how discouraging it is that he doesn't acknowledge it (only what you HAVEN'T done), and that positive reinforcement is a much better motivator than criticism. Do this in as calmly and uncritically as possible. Good, clear, FAIR communication is the most important aspect of a relationship for all involved.

BratGoddess - We have a real tendency to hoard, and, painful though it is, more stuff has to go! You can only keep what you have room for (and I don't mean on the floor or every horizontal surface!), so you have to set a higher standard of things to keep and make yourself get rid of as much other stuff as possible. Doing this all at once (to catch up) is emotionally draining. Reward yourself with lots of breaks, each time you finish a section or every 15-30 minutes. I struggle with this constantly, paper being my worst problem. We gotta hang in there.

[Melissa]

I have to say.....I am NOT suzy homemaker nor will I EVER be. I was married for 13 years to man who was verbally abusive...and attacked my "home" skills. NOW I have met a wonderful loving man who accepts me for me....and loves my home just the way it is. I have admitted to him that I am not a neat freak nor will I ever become one. I dont live in a pig sty but I am the clutter pack rat queen.....Will I change? probaly not....so I have just accepted this is the way I am.

Like you I am orgainzed at work...do a great job. My home is another story...unfinished projects....cluttered closets....so on and so on...LOL

Life is too short to fret....Get out and enjoy every day the clutter will wait.

Melissa

[scattyschats]

Gidday Barbara and rest of the mob,
Got to say its quite the relief to read your laments of 'keeping it tidy'. My husband is still trying to adapt almost 10 years down the track. I on the other hand am constantly flabbergasted when he can whip through the house like the proverbial Mr Sheen! I then get all paranoid about messing it and dive for the car in an effort to sustain a tidy house particularly if we're expecting people. I suffer the same in the office so those of you who sustain a tidy office/messy home situation are either half as stressed or twice as stressed.

[Pru]

we are all completely normal (for ADDmirables that is)

my partner has been commenting on my 'nests' and piles of 'mess' (but is it mess if you are still using it?) for decades now

my favourite piece of furniture is a blanket chest into which I whisk messes when they need to disappear fast

[ixtal]

I live with my parents still im only 21, and my parents hate it when my room is messy, as much as I hate cleaning I try and force myself to do it in stacks which works, but I Hate Cleaning!!!

[hamstermommy]

Are any of you women still out there? These messages look very old. It sure feels good to actually read about other women feeling exactly the same way i do. I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Every day I hop back on the wheel and at night I hop off exhausted and I have accomplished absolutely nothing I set out to do. I can't even get the groceries bought or meals on the table. Thinking about getting a coach. Any advice?

[av8trx]

Hamstermommy, it may not be the same women but I think there are some new ones on here. I'm new btw. I posted on Introductions.

Yeah. I'm messy. Husband doesn't understand how I can walk past the clutter in my office and it doesn't drive me crazy. Simple. I simply don't see it. Literally. My body may be in the presence of the clutter but the mind is already downstairs, or watching a show, wondering what the kids are watching. Have they done whatever it was that they were supposed to do? Did I do what I was supposed to do? It's hard for someone who doesn't understand the constant chatter going on inside your head how you can just not see it.