Post by jonimoon47 on Aug 18, 2003 12:51:11 GMT -5
These days I find myself working in a residential program with high risk teenage girls, several having (one of their dx) "ADD"... the rest dx (diagnosed) with other conditions, and blatantly undiagnosed ADD.
I LOVE what I'm doing...with the girls. Most are there for behavioral problems. They're also of a generation that's so different than mine, or even my son's. What worked for each of us, even as disfunctional as it may have been, does not seem to work for most kids today.
These kids won't put up with the old system, and while I rebelled as a teenager, I still (somewhat) respected and obeyed my parents, elders, and authority figures even if I didn't know why..."just because". I still went to school, went through the motions of what was expected of me, even in my undiagnosed ADD haze and craze.
These kids today, see right through the "....just because". They seem to have no qualms about questioning, challenging authority.
I do this work because it forces ME to be 100% in my integrity, be present ~ in THIS moment, and to not have an agenda (think I know what's best for another). I must have healthy boundaries, be honest w/o hesitation, not react when brutally challenged, be aware and thought-full of the words I use, keep my word, yet not make promises.
I also had to learn to release the need to be right, any need to control, be willing to take huge risks and the responsibility for them, and promptly admit my mistakes, blaming no one. Assume NOTHING (I just learned) ~ ask!
Never, ever agree to "secrets", and in those special-open-"Ah-ha"-bonding-moments with teary full-eye-contact, goose bumps, and unmistakable soul connection...... feel it , yet don't take it personally (even if it is).....and do not share a confidence with them that tomorrow, could not be shouted from the rooftop with graphic profanity, in the worst possible senario.
Of course, being ADD (with the "H" since menopause), I can't remember those words or concepts when I'm at work...so I use THAT gift of ADD (not able to remember things) and simply "show up".
In my process of reinventing myself, since my dx last year, I'm experiencing through these kids exactly what I need(ed) to learn for Me...how to live fully and love the process, working WITH my blessed ADD.
I am so different now, than I was pre-dx-ADD ~ back when I appeared "near perfect"...yet was in therapy for chronic depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD ...and nothing in my life worked or made ANY sense. Didn't know it til therapy, tho.
I thought I had The Perfect Life (for 52 yrs!). Well, I did...I just was unable to LIVE in it. It's like it sat on the mantle and I stood on the outside obsessively dusting, dusting, turn it a smidgen so it looks right, dusting, dusting.
Along came my (3-yr) menopausel dive into the Void, ..,,,,.later, *The Consequences* of my hybernation ~~~~
Waking up one day in my "Post-Menopausal-Zest" ready to resume where I left off (3 yrs?!?) ... "poof"... within one month no partner, no home, no pets, no job (had 3 ~ and each lost their contract!), no place to live, NO credit, no credit cards in my name, enough $ for one month or so, no debts, no security, NO TETHER TO REALITY! ... and no identity that I knew of.
Then along comes the discovery of ADD and circling back around to work, realizing that what I end up doing, is something I need to learn for Me.
I LOVE what I'm doing...with the girls. Most are there for behavioral problems. They're also of a generation that's so different than mine, or even my son's. What worked for each of us, even as disfunctional as it may have been, does not seem to work for most kids today.
These kids won't put up with the old system, and while I rebelled as a teenager, I still (somewhat) respected and obeyed my parents, elders, and authority figures even if I didn't know why..."just because". I still went to school, went through the motions of what was expected of me, even in my undiagnosed ADD haze and craze.
These kids today, see right through the "....just because". They seem to have no qualms about questioning, challenging authority.
I do this work because it forces ME to be 100% in my integrity, be present ~ in THIS moment, and to not have an agenda (think I know what's best for another). I must have healthy boundaries, be honest w/o hesitation, not react when brutally challenged, be aware and thought-full of the words I use, keep my word, yet not make promises.
I also had to learn to release the need to be right, any need to control, be willing to take huge risks and the responsibility for them, and promptly admit my mistakes, blaming no one. Assume NOTHING (I just learned) ~ ask!
Never, ever agree to "secrets", and in those special-open-"Ah-ha"-bonding-moments with teary full-eye-contact, goose bumps, and unmistakable soul connection...... feel it , yet don't take it personally (even if it is).....and do not share a confidence with them that tomorrow, could not be shouted from the rooftop with graphic profanity, in the worst possible senario.
Of course, being ADD (with the "H" since menopause), I can't remember those words or concepts when I'm at work...so I use THAT gift of ADD (not able to remember things) and simply "show up".
In my process of reinventing myself, since my dx last year, I'm experiencing through these kids exactly what I need(ed) to learn for Me...how to live fully and love the process, working WITH my blessed ADD.
I am so different now, than I was pre-dx-ADD ~ back when I appeared "near perfect"...yet was in therapy for chronic depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD ...and nothing in my life worked or made ANY sense. Didn't know it til therapy, tho.
I thought I had The Perfect Life (for 52 yrs!). Well, I did...I just was unable to LIVE in it. It's like it sat on the mantle and I stood on the outside obsessively dusting, dusting, turn it a smidgen so it looks right, dusting, dusting.
Along came my (3-yr) menopausel dive into the Void, ..,,,,.later, *The Consequences* of my hybernation ~~~~
Waking up one day in my "Post-Menopausal-Zest" ready to resume where I left off (3 yrs?!?) ... "poof"... within one month no partner, no home, no pets, no job (had 3 ~ and each lost their contract!), no place to live, NO credit, no credit cards in my name, enough $ for one month or so, no debts, no security, NO TETHER TO REALITY! ... and no identity that I knew of.
Then along comes the discovery of ADD and circling back around to work, realizing that what I end up doing, is something I need to learn for Me.
