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Post by Jessica on Jun 6, 2005 6:42:54 GMT -5
Hi
I have recently been diagnosed as having attention deficiet disorder. The Dr who diagnosed me hasn't explicitly told me this but it is apparent to me from reading the available information around that I have the inattentive or inwardly expressive type.
My life prior to diagnosis was very difficult in all areas. I felt internally that I was capable of being fairly dynamic but in reality I was passive, inert and basically felt quite pathetic and hopeless. I was barly scaping along and was on the way to some kind of physical break down.
Ritalin (Concerta) has had some positive effects. I am now generally more awake however I still feel straight jacketed and like I am not realising my potential. I still feel far less active and engaged and far more passive then I'd like.
Prior to diagnosis and treatment I had had, and still have really, an idea or fantasy of what I could be ie assertive, quick witted, dynamic, competent and incontrol etc etc. My ability to respect myself has seemed to depended on my becoming this person. I am grateful for the postive changes and recognise that I am being silly in clinging to this idea but I find it difficult to reconcile myself even to the more functional, post Ritalin me. I'm a disapointment to myself.
I recognise that I'm being self indulgent. I probably just need to give myself a slap and get on with things but it would be good to hear from anyone else about how they dealt with this phase.
Jessica
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ixtal
New Member
Posts: 12
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Post by ixtal on Jun 7, 2005 8:48:52 GMT -5
It is hard having add even with mediction, you still have to focus and control some urges and desires. I have had it for years so I am used to knowing how to control things, but I am still learning. Mediication does not make it perfict but it helps. I am sure you will find a way to succedd if you don't give up
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Post by gypsyjana on Jun 9, 2005 20:58:36 GMT -5
 Hi Jessica, Of course you know all I can offer is my experience, strength, and hope, but I have much of all. You didn't say how old you were, that I saw anyway. But I am assuming you are not a real youngster. I was diagnosed (FINALLY) at the age of 38. Boy I thought I was home free that day, got my scripts for Ritalin and was on my way. Well, here I am at 50, and I still run into snags with my med's. But I am going to be open and candid about what I take and what changed my life just the way I thought it was going to only it took a bit longer than I had hoped. I like the saying that my ex husband uses when he talks to me, (we are better friends now than ever), he says "your soups not right". Knowing me as well as he does, along with my 2 older son's, I get checked when I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. They are the only ones I really believe.of all I always looked at my ADHD/ADD as a limitation, but not anymore. I could hear those feelings in part of your post. You are that dynamic, courageous, speak up when you see injustice, creative, intuitive, and sensitive person that you've always known you were. But now hopefully with the proper med's, some new living techniques, (behavior modification), and good support, you will not only see ADHD/ADD as a limitation but as a gift. I guess this comes to the part where I had to fight and learn and argue and pay different shrinks, until I found out what I needed and what worked for me. My soup isn't right, not without medication, just like a diabetic without insulin. We are now at an age where the doc's are able to actually see the problem of ADHD/ADD in our brains, plus other diseases such as Bi-Polar. If I would've done just what my doctor told me to do I would never be where I am today. The majority of doc's don't believe in it, much less understand it. Then when you finally find one that does they see we usually have a bad track record with drugs and alcohol, because we self medicate so much of our lives. Well I finally built up trust with a doc about 9 years ago, he treated ADHD/ADD in adults radically. He believed that I had done all I could do to as far as behavior mod, and therapy, and not using any drugs that weren't prescribed for me. I even taught classes on organizing our homes and our lives. But I still wasn't right. I knew I had just started to tap into the person I knew I could be. So he put me on Dexedrine, yes I know very controversial, but also very effective. I had gone undiagnosed for so long that I had what they called co-morbid disorders,(these are like eating disorders, severe anxiety disorders, phobias, etc.), I had been taking an anti-anxiety pill for a long time, many doc's took it away from me, said I didn't need it, he put me back on it only when needed. Then my lifesaving Prozac. People can cry about it all they want, but it has saved my life. Been on it for almost 12 years, without it I would be dead. So this may sound like a hell of a combination, but you know what my head was a hell of a mess. It's not anymore. Now I see ADHD/ADD as a part of who I am. I am creative, I learn things that others can't, I am not stupid, I am different, and I love myself and am my own best friend. With time and work there are no limitations with ADHD\ADD we even have gifts others will never understand. IF you want to write me back to give me your opinion on my drug regime, save your time, I won't read it anyway. This is to help others not to judge. So I won't judge you, so don't judge me, at least not until you've walked in my shoes. Good luck to you on your journey ahead, and God bless you and all who read this. Thank you Jana oops one thing forgot good book to read is "The ADDed Dimension", by Kate Kelly and Peg Remundo
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Post by Jessica on Jun 12, 2005 12:04:01 GMT -5
HI
Thanks for your response and advise. I've felt better in the last week and getting responses like yours has me helped and made me feel less isolated and more hopeful!.
Don't worry I definately don't have any judgements to make on your drug regime!. I don't know enough about these things to begin to start judging!.
I'm 27 by the way but have felt a lot tireder and older but at the same time less mature!.
Take Care
Jessica A
Jessica
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